Two desolate people – a misery shared can be a misery halved?

I was taking my usual evening walk in the park... wallowing in self-pity is what most people would call it. Of course my family understood; they all told me that – time and again and this gave me great comfort.

But then they would say the same stupid things like:

"You'll get over it Carol." or "But life has to go on, you have to try and forget Gary and the way that he treated you."

Oh they thought they were being good to me; and considerate with these words... but all they were actually doing to me... were destroying me.

I was making my way to my seat by the river, so that I could have my usual cry in peace; with no one to disturb me. I walked around the last turn on the path and the seat came into view.

My heart sank, usually there was no one around at this time of the autumn evening, but tonight... someone had stolen my refuge.

I felt resentment towards the person sitting on the seat. It was a man, a tramp by the looks of him, it was quite dark, but there was a light not far away from him so that I had a good view. He was holding a bottle in one hand and as I watched he lifted it and took a gulp from it.

Not only a tramp, but a drunk as well!

I started to turn in disgust, but as I did so, something about the man made me turn back again.

He was sitting with his head down a totally dejected look about him. He looked how I felt, and my heart went out to him in mutual sympathy.

He sat staring out at the water, but I could tell from my own experience that he wasn't really seeing it.

I took a step towards him without really being aware of having done so. Here was someone who truly knew how I felt, and tramp or not – I think I needed that more than anything.

I had walked up to him and was just standing behind him, he wasn‘t even aware of my presence. I could hear him talking to himself and I held my breath and listened shamelessly.

"Well Sheila you finally won. You totally destroyed me, I hope that you're happy now!" he murmured across the water, and I realised that he was talking to the woman who had hurt him, even though she wasn‘t there to hear him.

I also remembered with something of a shock that I used to do that, when Gary and I had first parted.

Whatever had happened to this man had only recently happened. This man was still feeling the first almost unbearable pain. Without thinking about it I reached out and touched his shoulder gently.

“She isn't worth it really you know," I whispered to him.

The man froze for a second before spinning around to look at me.

He really would be good looking I thought, if he had a shave and his eyes weren‘t full of such hatred and anger.

"Who the hell are you? What do you do... go creeping around the parks at night trying to scare people to death?”

He turned away.

I knew that he was just lashing out through his pain. After all how many times in the past few months had I done that to my family?

"I really do know what you're going through, honestly I do! I'm going through it myself.” I spoke quietly to him as I stood there.

"And I suppose that you’re going to tell me that things are going to get

Better? And in the mean time I should try to carry on with my life!" The man spoke bitterly.

I was surprised to find that I had indeed been going to say something along those lines. Instead I said: "No because I don't really believe that it does get that much better."

“Well that makes a nice change," he laughed humourlessly.

"It does get a little better though... that unbearable pain that you're feeling now... it does become bearable." I spoke quickly before he could interrupt.

For a moment he hesitated as if he were re-saying my words to himself; but then that totally dejected look swept over him again, as he said: "Just go away and leave me alone will you!"

As I stood there looking at him a feeling of anger swept over me at Gary and this Sheila; and others like them, who go around hurting people.

I turned around and started to walk away. After a couple of steps I realised the man had got up and was going over to the river.

"Go ahead!” I said angrily. "Throw yourself in... She's won all the other battles; give her the satisfaction of winning the war!"

With a sob I turned and ran, not even looking back to see if he had succumbed to the despair that had been eating him up alive!

When I arrived home a few moments later I went straight up to my room without even letting anyone know that I was home.

I sat on my bed just staring out of the window, my mind in total confusion.

A few moments later there was a gentle tap on my door, and my sister Anne peeped in.

“Hi” She said softly. "I thought I heard you creeping in... Are you okay?"

I smiled slightly although I was trembling.

“Yes I'm fine thanks."

Anne looked at me more closely. “You‘re shaking!" she said with concern.

“It's alright... honestly I'm just a little cold; it is autumn you know." I tried to add a little humour, but didn't quite pull it off.

“Tell me about it?" Anne invited gently.

This suggestion took me totally by surprise and Anne realised this.

"All that everyone has said to me so far; has been... I'll get over it, and I should try and continue my life." I just couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice.

“I do know how you feel, but up until now you weren't really ready for it." She smiled slightly: "Now though – something has changed... what's happened?"

"What makes you think that something has happened?" I asked.

"Because you're different, you look as though you are angry now!"

I Suddenly I tipped my head back, and just laughed for a few minutes... and then I found myself telling Anne all about it, about Gary and the way he had used me; until something better came along, and then when I told him that I loved him how he had laughed in my face and then turned his back on me and then he’d just walked away... and finally I told her about my encounter in the park and how I had felt.

"Well it looks like you‘re getting over Gary at last." Anne said with a smile.

“Yes... but what about this man in the park? Do you think I should have left him there? I'll feel ever so guilty if he does anything drastic like that; and I could have helped." I looked worriedly at my sister  Anne.

“I don't think he'll do anything silly," she said with a slight grin.

"What makes you so sure?"

"I’ll tell you something shall I? When you and Gary first broke up; and you used to take those walks through the park, one of us used to follow you!"

Anne's grin widened at my look of total shock.

“But you know that I would never do anything like that!" I exclaimed.

"You were very depressed, those first few weeks and totally unpredictable most of the time. We were never quite sure what you were going to do next, so one of us started to follow you."

We sat talking for a while, but my thoughts were still with the man in the park.

"Look, if you're really that worried about this unknown bloke in the park,

then we'll go and see if he's still there or if he‘s jumped," Anne stood up and went to fetch her coat.

A few moments later we were walking through the park, we went along the path until the seat came into view.

"Well it looks like he's either left or he‘s jumped in!" Anne said looking at the empty seat.

"No I don't think he jumped." I had been looking in the bin just near me, at the top of it, a bottle had caught my attention. It was half full and I was sure that it was the one the man had been drinking from.

"Come on, we might as well go home." I told Anne.

When we got home we went into the kitchen and made ourselves a hot drink.

Later I had a hot bath and the opted for an early night. I didn't need to explain anything to mum and dad, because Anne – bless her, did that for me.

For the first time in a long time I went straight to sleep that night without so much as a single thought of Gary entering my head.

I went to the shop where I worked the next day, and although I wasn't exactly bursting with happiness, everyone I worked with noticed a change in me, Heather the girl who worked at the same counter as me asked if I had got a new boyfriend, but I just laughed and told her I didn't need a boyfriend.

Although I thought of the stranger in the park quite often over the next

I few days, I never went back. Then one night just over a week later I was on my way home from work, walking past the park... when for some reason I went inside.

I knew I wouldn't be missed at home because everyone was going out and the house would be empty by now.

I walked along the path until the seat came into view.

There sitting on it was the stranger, I stopped on the path a few yards away from him and watched him for a few moments. He was probably getting himself drunk again and I didn't think he would welcome the intrusion I turned to leave, and the man turned and looked at me